Last week I had someone in my taxi who is an evangelist for the company I used to work for. I had heard his name before, and he was familiar with mine. Even though I was officially a QA Engineer, I also often acted kind of like an evangelist. I was well connected in the developer community, I voluntarily went to conferences, and I had my geeky blog. I was a self-appointed and unofficial evangelist. That was the part I actually enjoyed the most about my job even if it wasn't technically my job.
When I had the evangelist in my car, a wave of nostalgia overcame me. The thought entered my head that maybe if I had just stuck it out, I would have eventually become an official evangelist and that I might have really enjoyed that.
I shared this thought with my friend Gerry on Saturday evening, and as I said it out loud, I realized that I really don't want to be an evangelist for a software product. If I was an evangelist, I would want to stand for something else, something more human, more organic, more emotional. Gerry said that I had set up my life perfectly for my message to get out, whatever it is, with my blog(s), my counseling practice, all the people I meet in my cab.
"Even Twitter", Gerry said.
That made me feel a lot better about not being an evangelist at a software company.
I am working on two freelance projects this week. One I do from home (or from a coffee shop), and I have been working on it on and off for several weeks. For the other I go into an office. My friend Alex who I met through freelance work last year works in that office. He basically said "I like hanging out with you, and I like working with you. I want you to come to my office this week." So now I'm hanging out with him and working with him and getting paid for it. My good friend Bret works in that office too, so I get to hang out with him too. And today I discovered that the person sitting at the desk next to me was at the same campout last weekend as I was. We talked all day today, had lunch, and walked to BART together after work, and on Friday we're going to hang out some more.
THEN. For the other project I am making an interface that simulates the iPhone. The guy I'm working for thought that in order for me to do the best impression of the iPhone I might need to look at what an iPhone actually looks like when it's doing its thing. He IM'd me this evening saying that he was in my 'hood eating sushi and that I could stop by to pick up the iPhone to borrow. So I went over to the sushi place, and he gave me the iPhone. And then he said "Order some sushi. Have a beer." So we had some sushi and some beer and played with our iPhones, and then I went home with my iPhone. Even though I don't get to keep it, I consider it a gift.
I got my other eyebrow pierced on Monday. I like the symmetry and balance it brings to my face. I also like that the two eyebrow piercings and the lip piercing form a triangle. It makes my face feel like a cosmic zone. Also, I ran into my friend Kati last night, and she said that I totally look like a bug now. I like that too.
I feel more complete for now although I know that there will be more piercings in the future.
The power of the passing of time and fond memories
One of the great things about Death Guild is that they play Sisters of Mercy there. I have a soft spot for Sisters of Mercy because they played them at the first club I ever went to, called Cartoon in Borghorst, Germany. The first time I went there was January 18, 1991. I was 14. It only stayed open for a few more months after that, but the memories I have from going there during those months are priceless. It was very dark in there, and they played dark and hard music, and people danced like shadows in the strobe lights. Cartoon introduced me to music by Bad Religion, The Cure, New Model Army, Dead Kennedys, Ministry, Ramones, and of course Sisters of Mercy.
When I went to Death Guild for the first time last October, they played Temple of Love by Sisters of Mercy, and I danced to it for the first time since the Cartoon days. A piece of my soul reconnected with my 14-year-old self on the dark dance floor of Cartoon, in awe of the shadowy, older teenagers around me.
Saturday night I had a similar moment of reconnection with the past. I was at Mighty for Planet of the Drums. Dieselboy, Dara and AK1200 played while MC Messinian yelled and bounced around the stage with his mic. Experiencing this brought me back to the year 2001 when I was living in Charlottesville, VA and went to Planet of the Drums at Buzz in Washington, D.C. When I realized that MC Messinian's movements of limbs, voice and energy drew me in just as much as they did in 2001, I felt euphoria.
It must be the euphoria of connection. As humans we all seek connection, and I am noticing that connecting with a fond memory can be especially powerful. I shall not underestimate the illusion of time passing and the power of recognizing a moment shared between the past and the present. Even if it's a solitary and egocentric thing, it makes for a very significant feeling of connection. This connection is also as close as we can get to time travel with current brain technology.
As I was leaving the club last night, somebody came up in front of me and said "Vera." I said "Kelly!"
Kelly and I had gone to the same high school in Victorville, CA. She was a good friend of the sister of my high school boyfriend, Brent. In 2000 the sister of my high school boyfriend had gotten married, and Kelly and I had spent a lot of time together at the wedding, talking, laughing, dancing, getting drunk. I had thought "I like this girl a lot." We hung out a couple of more times in 2000, but then I moved away to Virginia and then to San Francisco after that.
But a couple of months ago I was at a party, and Kelly came up to me. I almost didn't recognize her. It had been about seven years. She now lives in San Francisco.
Last night she invited me over to the apartment she was housesitting for friends, which was only a couple of blocks from the club. We talked on the couch for a little bit, and then we went to sleep in her friend's bed. And then we spent all day together today.
But what I really want to talk about is the slumbering. I love sharing a bed with a girl. It is so comforting to wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning and look over and see her sleeping there. That's why I love spending the night at my sister's apartment or at my friend Julia's apartment, because it means I get to share a bed with them. For some reason I have not had a lot of slumber parties with girls here in America. I'm sure it has to do with that distance I have talked about and the running away I often do from social situations. But I have already had a couple of slumber parties this year. Ariel spent the night in my room a couple of months ago when she was in town for her book reading. And some girlfriends recently had a slumber party at their house, and I shared a bed with my friend Angie. And now I did one with Kelly.
I want to create more girl slumber moments in my life. I am ready.
I hung out with these two for a few minutes last night. They were such a pleasure. I'm not normally into girls, but these two I totally wanted to make out with.
I was picking up my Green Cab at 6 in the morning, and this was what awaited me in the parking lot. A more brilliant clash of nature and civilization I have not often seen.
It was about 7 in the morning. I hadn't stayed that long at a party since probably Burning Man. It had been a fun night and I had had a lot of energy early, but by this time I was tired and pensive and all I could do was sit and watch.
